Amarula Dreams

You can call it grandstanding if you want, but I support it

This is the best bit of news I read all day.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 7:52 PM Comments: 0

It's a fucking t.v. show, damn it

One of the favorite pastimes in my neighborhood is mocking the people waiting on line at Magnolia Bakery.

"It's a fucking cupcake, damn it," the locals say, rolling their eyes and shaking their heads, and bemoaning the passage of Mary's Off Jane, whose cupcakes, they all agree, were infinitely better than Magnolia's.

I happen to like Magnolia's cupcakes. A lot. OK, I won't wait in line for them, but luckily I don't have to, as I live close enough to pop in on slow nights and satisfy my craving for buttercream frosting.

What I find far more annoying than the lines themselves is their primary source, namely, the "Sex and the City" tours. On what seems like an hourly basis, huge golden buses with "On Location Tours" splashed across the side rumble down 11th Street, make a right onto Hudson, then pull over and disgorge dozens upon dozens of identically clad women (and the occasional sheepish-looking male). En masse, they disembark, gather in the park next to the Bleecker playground, and listen intently to what I imagine must be a detailed description of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie helped Samantha stuff cupcakes up her vagina. Or something like that.

I know I'm far from the first to complain about this, but come on, folks...the fucking show has been over for MORE THAN TWO YEARS. Could we please move on with our lives?

The Villager once credited the Sex and the City tours with "remaking" the area. The rest of us just wish the show's fans would restrict their gawking to Il Cantinori.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 8:25 PM Comments: 0

There goes (what's left of) the neighborhood

I hear that Starbucks is desperately scouting a space in the West Village within striking distance of the stretch of Bleecker Street between West 10th and West 11th. (The closest locations now are the ones at 72 Grove Street and 450 7th Avenue.)

One site they considered was the corner of West 11th and Hudson Street, where the lease was coming up for renewal. But apparently the current tenant, Hudson Corner Cafe, reupped for an additional term.

There was also a rumor that they wanted the old Hue space on the corner of Bleecker and Charles, but according to Curbed, that's going to become a Juicy Couture store. And they were considering the former Blind Tiger location, but apparently that hasn't gone through.

But neighborhood coffeehouses beware, it's only a matter of time before Starbucks spreads its tentacles to a corner near you.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 9:10 PM Comments: 3

Apparently cuteness is also in the eye of the beholder

There's a pair of pigeons nesting in my back yard. OK, maybe back yard is a slightly grandiose term to use for the tiny patch of concrete and grass that the first floor of my apartment opens out to, so let me rephrase that: there's a pair of pigeons nesting in the tiny patch of concrete and grass that the first floor of my apartment opens out to.

And they're really cool.

Now don't get me wrong, I share the typical New Yorker's dislike and disgust for the average pigeon-on-the-street, but these two seem different. They're plump and shiny and well-groomed, they don't seem to be depositing a lot of pigeon poop around the place, and they're kind of cutely affectionate with each other.

Wisely enough, they've decided not to build their nest at ground level. Instead, they've built it on a ledge on the building behind mine, about a dozen feet up, under a slight overhang. Because the building is very close to mine, they're only about two or three yards from my second floor window.

Do you think this means I'll be one of the few New Yorkers who actually gets to see a baby pigeon?

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 7:37 PM Comments: 0

This year's Uggs

According to today's LA Times, Crocs are set to become the latest must-have fashion accessory.

Admittedly, the LA Times is a little behind on this. Such fashion industry heavyweights like the McCook Daily Gazette and the Fort Wayne News Sentinel ran stories on this almost a month ago.

Which means we should probably expect an article touting Crocs as the next big thing to appear in the New York Times Sunday Styles section, let's see, maybe some time toward the end of May?

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 9:34 PM Comments: 0

Happy Easter...

.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 9:08 AM Comments: 0

If only they cared this much about the people of Darfur

Just got back from watching the miraculous rescue of Molly the cat. Complete coincidence, really. We were walking back from a relaxed Friday night dinner at El Faro, and decided to check out the media clusterfuck that 634 Hudson Street has become. WB11, Fox 5 News, 1010 WINS--you name the station, and its news vans were parked outside.

We were about five yards away when a huge cheer went up from the crowd gathered out front. We looked at each other in disbelief...could it be true?

It was...through complete dumb luck, we happened to be passing right by Myers of Keswick when Molly the cat was finally rescued.

Bit of a letdown, really, because other than the media clusterfuck, there wasn't much to see. The storefront had a metal grate down over it, and the rescuers inside started to roll it up, then quickly reconsidered when they saw the hordes outside. We were hoping they'd hold Molly up in the air like Rafiki did Simba in the Lion King, but all we got was a peek at a little black head inside a metal cage, illuminated by spotlights and the flashes of a dozen cameras. Must have been quite a shock for the poor thing, after 14 days in the dark.

Best moment of the night: a woman outside the barricades that were blocking off the front of the store (read: a passerby like us) calling out, with what sounded like sincere happiness, "we're so happy for you, Milly." And a woman inside the barricades (read: an animal rescue nut who'd likely been camping out there for 10 days) turning around and, with narrowed eyes, hissing "her name is Molly. MOLLY!"

Ah, I love New York.

All that aside, good on you, Molly. Here's to many happy years of mouse-hunting for you.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 11:01 PM Comments: 1

If it had been "expired registration day" would you have let me off with a warning?

So I got a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt yesterday. Never mind the fact that I was sitting in traffic so bad that it had taken us 45 minutes to make it from 30th Street to 51st Street. Never mind the fact that the car hadn’t moved a fucking inch in at least ten minutes. Never mind the fact that the only reason I’d taken OFF my seat belt in the first place is because we were STUCK IN TRAFFIC and I wanted to stretch for a few minutes. Never mind all that.

It was “seat belt day,” the cop told me. I interpreted that to mean “it’s Passover-so-lots-of-Jews-will-be-in-their-cars-so-let’s-fill-the-city’s-coffers day.”

Sigh. The ticket was only $40 (I’d expected it to be about $60). And at least the cop spared me the lecture on the dangers of NOT wearing a seat belt. I guess even he realized how ludicrous that would be, given the circumstances.

Remind me never to drive anywhere on Passover again.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 7:57 PM Comments: 0

I've also got a friend in the Nigerian foreign ministry, in case you're interested

So I just got the following little gem in my inbox:

WARNING!

A well known telephone scam is now being used on cellular telephones.

There is a fraudulent company that is using a device to gain access to the Subscriber Identity Module (SIM) Card, which contains all subscriber related data (this is the brains in the phone) in your cellular telephone.

A scam artist places a call to an unsuspecting person and the caller says he or she is testing mobile (cellular) telephone circuits or equipment. The called party is asked to press #90 or #09. If this happens END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY with out pressing the numbers. Once you press #90 or #09 the company can access your SIM Card and makes calls at your expense.

People. Would you PLEASE do five seconds of research before passing on to everyone you know every piece of alarmist garbage that arrives in your inbox? Now granted, this isn’t as bad as the email I got a few years ago from a well-intentioned and usually reasonably straight-thinking friend begging me to sign an email petition outlawing bonsai kittens.

But 99 out of 100 times when I get an email like this, it turns out to be bullshit. And I rarely have to do anything more to confirm that than take a quick look over at snopes.com, which has usually debunked it.

As is the case with the warning referenced above.

People. Do us all a favor. Limit the email forwards to anti-Starbucks rants* and pornography. Thank you.

_____________________

*Click "videos" and then "Starbucks" if you're the one person on the planet who hasn't seen this one.

posted by Amarula Dreams @ 2:33 PM Comments: 0

Stupid Internets

Very bored. Just spent the last half hour doing google searches of the names of practically every boy I've ever had a crush on and/or slept with.

Didn't come up with anything particularly interesting. Don't know why the only thing you can find out on the web is boring stuff like when someone passed the bar or where they went to school when what you really want to know is what they look like and who they're fucking right now.

Stupid internets.

posted by Anonymous @ 6:33 PM Comments: 0

The 21st century version of "he won't buy the cow if you give him the milk for free"

Do you remember "The Rules"? "Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right," or something stupendously clever like that. Full of fabulous bits of advice like "don't call him and rarely return his calls," "don't go Dutch on a date" and "don't rush into sex." In short, be a rude, cheap, prude and you're guaranteed to land the man of your dreams.

Do you know that the women who wrote “The Rules” have a website? You've got to check it out. Sherrie and Ellen (apparently they go by their first names, kind of like Madonna...the virgin, I assume, not the singer) offer email consultations, 100% confidential and encrypted, for $200. Or, if you don’t have that kind of cash, you can submit a “quick question” for $50. On the other hand, if you need more personalized attention, one hour phone consultations are available for $250.

It doesn’t end there. You can buy two-hour audiotapes and CDs of their June 13, 2005 seminar in New York City, which includes “testimonials from engaged and married Rules girls!” (emphasis most decidedly not added). And finally, for the low low price of $1,000, you can take a 12-week course to become a Certified Rules Facilitator.

Among other things, the Rules Girls offer (and I quote):

An evaluation of your dating history (i.e. rule-breaking patterns) in past and present relationships.

An analysis of childhood issues that may affect the kind of men that you are attracting.

Personal shopping and makeovers. Some women don't understand why they are not meeting or attracting the men they want. In some cases, the problem is not The Rules, but their appearance.

How to be a Creature Unlike Any Other (CUAO), i.e. have self-esteem and feel good about yourself, whether or not you're in a relationship.

Here’s my advice on how to have self-esteem and feel good about yourself: stay away from the Rules.

Please please please please please tell me that this is a joke, and that the site’s actually run by the Onion.

posted by Anonymous @ 9:02 PM Comments: 0